How to Survive a Human Attack: A Guide for Werewolves, Mummies, Cyborgs, Ghosts, Nuclear Mutants, and Other Movie Monsters

Description

The first-ever manual for zombies, swamp monsters, mummies, and vampires to survive the planet's greatest threat: humans. Did you know that human attacks account for a staggering 100% of premature deaths for mummies, robot overlords, and other supernatural, cyber, mutant, and alien beings? The past millennia or so has seen not only an uptick in human attacks, but also increasingly indiscriminate victim selection. It is understandable to feel overwhelmed. How to Survive a Human Attack provides critical information at a critical time with chapters specifically tailored to their target audience, including: * The Zombie's Complete Guide to Filling the Emptiness and Moving Forward * Swamp Monster Makeovers! * Here, Boy! Self-Training Tips for Werewolves * The First-Time Haunter's Guide: How to Evict Squatters, Stay On Top of Mansion Disrepair, and Get to the Light * Chicken Soup for the Soulless: Uninspiring Stories of Demon Possession and Ignored Prayers * No More Meltdowns: A Cyborg Assassin's Workbook for Neutralizing Hostility Using Java * U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Tips for the Urban Sixty-Foot Ape and Other Animals or Insects of Exceptional Proportion (Large Print) * Eat What You Love, Love How You Feel: Hill People and Radioactive Cannibals

K.E. Flann's writing has been featured in The North American Review, Shenandoah, and Michigan Quarterly Review, and a collection of short stories won the 2014 George Garrett Award at Texas Review Press. Excerpts from this incredibly important work have appeared or will appear in Word Riot, The Higgs Weldon, Defenestration, and Monkeybicycle.

As a cyborg manufactured in 2067 and sent back in time to KILL ALL HUMANS, I found the advice in this book invaluable in blending in with the puzzling society of today.--Dan Vebber, co-executive producer, The Simpsons and Futurama As a member of the walking undead, nothing ruins my day quite like some yahoo pulping my noggin with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire. Thank goodness How to Survive a Human Attack is here to help me avoid detection while doggedly roaming the earth seeking the human brains I crave.--Rich Dahm, co-executive producer, The Colbert Report and The Middle